Lately I have been feeling like I am just "going through the motions" as some may put it. I get up and get ready for my day (with most days being a work day) while trying to scramble to get everything together so I can head out the door. I leave messes, dishes not done, and sometimes chaotic chatter/arguments between my oldest two. I realize that this is very much normal. Normal for most working parents I would guess. You know when you have those special moments in time where you are gathered with family or friends and just soak in all those good feelings?? I need and want more of those good times in my life. 
If you know me or if you know some of my story, I can get down in the dumps sometimes with all my husband Kerry's health issues. In the past couple years I feel that at least it has somewhat improved. Kerry has mood swings. He gets worked up easily and can be very bitter towards me or even our children. However, our children understand him. They understand Daddy doesn't feel good and has those moments. I understand (too) but also get easily frustrated. I haven't noticed it here lately but want to prevent depressive thoughts from entering my mind as we gear towards the winter season. 
I know I am babbling here because this post is suppose to be a positive one! (Here it comes). I am a very positive and optimistic person. If there is one thing I am good at, it is turning the most negative idea or thing into a better one. I've done it with my son when he had cancer, my husband when he had presumptive pancreatic cancer, thyroid cancer and colon (pre-)cancer. I've turned around every day things at home and work into something positive. I want to give pointers and reasons why I do this. 
Tip #1: Smiling - It is simple and easy to do. It has a ripple effect. Even if you are sad or down in the dumps, smiling will change your mood and be uplifting for you and others.
Tip #2: Thanking God for all the gifts he has given you. Every morning. If you are not a religious person, that is okay. Acknowledge ALL the things you have. Some people take the simplest things in life for granted. A roof over one's head, food, clothing, family, etc. Since I have started doing this, the appreciation has helped me have better, more lively days. The sun shines brighter. The air feels crisp. I feel closeness to my husband and children. My work day flows smoothly. 
(Don't think my world is full of butterflies and rainbows - because usually my days are full of "unknowns" and tiring, but I am saying these things because I mean them.) 
Tip #3: Surround yourself with positive people. Fact: humans act like other humans they are around. Just like animals we adapt to our surroundings. Be around the people that you want to influence you.
  
Why do I try to be so positive??  For one, I want to be a role model for my children. One day, they will understand all the obstacles that Kerry and I have faced, and I hope that reflection will allow them to grow into positive and uplifting people. My oldest son recently received a kindness award at school. I have to believe that his kindness is a reflection of mine and how I treat other people. I pride myself in this and feel my actions making a difference in his demeanor. Two: Having goals. In my professional life I aspire to be a nurse midwife or a nursing instructor. At home, my husband and I want to build our dream house. Right now we are working on improving our current home which will build our home equity.  Three: Fitness. I have been weighing myself (most) every day. I want to be able to fit back into my size 3 jeans that I was wearing before I got pregnant with my third child. I have a long ways to go but every day I try to change my habits with eating. I try to walk or do some type of exercise. It is hard work, but I know I can get there. 
Do you have dreams? What are yours? Maybe it's something way out of your reach. I bet if you write down measurable steps/a plan to get there that you can achieve them. Be bold and start today!

Cooler days and savoring memories

Fall is here. The air is cool and crisp in the mornings. Skies are sometimes foggy and the sun occasionally decides to show up on a cloudy day. Today is a cool and cloudy afternoon at 43 degrees.

Saturday is my baby's one year birthday party! Two days ago he somehow became a one year, and I am still trying to wrap my head around that. The past month has flown by; he has changed in so many ways, and I wonder if he's smarter than my other two boys at this age. LOL But really, he makes me so proud to be his mommy. I recall his birth day like it was yesterday. Dropped the boys off at 0800 at school and drove to a small hospital in Plainville, KS where I was to be induced with a water birth delivery. The labor was a little more intense (drawn out) than my last birth, but that is what you get with inductions! I was term pregnancy and not progressing much so this did seem appropriate. The induction was initiated by using a foley bulb (look it up if you do not know how it works.. it is interesting!), and it worked perfectly. By mid morning, the foley bulb fell out. I had dilated more and contractions started. I tried many different things to help move the labor along. Use of an exercise ball, squatting bar, and even sitting on a toilet - just to name a few! I would have to say that sitting on the toilet was the best for getting through contractions with this babe. Around 4 pm I knew that my contractions were so intense that the baby would soon be here. I asked for something for pain through my IV but I knew I had to get checked first. Yep, I was dilated to about 10 cm and couldn't have anything and ready to push little guy out! Since I was wanting a water birth, they had the water all ready for me to go which was very relaxing once I got in the water. After several pushes, little Colton came out and got to hold right away. So much love for this little human. Then Kerry took him and snuggled while I got stitched up. Like my other two boys, I will never forget this memory that impressed upon my heart.

FF>> (fast forward)!!

It has been several years since my last post! A lot has happened and changed since after my son had cancer and in recovery in 2013. My kids grew. I had another baby. My job changed. My husband's health changed. So much to talk about but I will start to focus each blog on a different topic or event/activity.

Today I just want to focus on all the things that have evolved this past year. Relationships grew. Between my husband and I, my kids and I. Relationships with past co-workers have almost ended but hanging on to the few top ones that I cherish. Relationships are evolving with new co-workers. My baby Colton who was born on 10/2/17, is growing so fast and getting ready to celebrate his first birthday in the next couple weeks. I have continued to grow in my faith this year also. I will be blogging on this a lot I feel as God is my #1 and hoping that I can grow into a better and stronger person because of His guidance and helping me listen to what He is calling me to do in this lifetime.

I will post several pics later on :)