Lately I have been feeling like I am just "going through the motions" as some may put it. I get up and get ready for my day (with most days being a work day) while trying to scramble to get everything together so I can head out the door. I leave messes, dishes not done, and sometimes chaotic chatter/arguments between my oldest two. I realize that this is very much normal. Normal for most working parents I would guess. You know when you have those special moments in time where you are gathered with family or friends and just soak in all those good feelings?? I need and want more of those good times in my life. 
If you know me or if you know some of my story, I can get down in the dumps sometimes with all my husband Kerry's health issues. In the past couple years I feel that at least it has somewhat improved. Kerry has mood swings. He gets worked up easily and can be very bitter towards me or even our children. However, our children understand him. They understand Daddy doesn't feel good and has those moments. I understand (too) but also get easily frustrated. I haven't noticed it here lately but want to prevent depressive thoughts from entering my mind as we gear towards the winter season. 
I know I am babbling here because this post is suppose to be a positive one! (Here it comes). I am a very positive and optimistic person. If there is one thing I am good at, it is turning the most negative idea or thing into a better one. I've done it with my son when he had cancer, my husband when he had presumptive pancreatic cancer, thyroid cancer and colon (pre-)cancer. I've turned around every day things at home and work into something positive. I want to give pointers and reasons why I do this. 
Tip #1: Smiling - It is simple and easy to do. It has a ripple effect. Even if you are sad or down in the dumps, smiling will change your mood and be uplifting for you and others.
Tip #2: Thanking God for all the gifts he has given you. Every morning. If you are not a religious person, that is okay. Acknowledge ALL the things you have. Some people take the simplest things in life for granted. A roof over one's head, food, clothing, family, etc. Since I have started doing this, the appreciation has helped me have better, more lively days. The sun shines brighter. The air feels crisp. I feel closeness to my husband and children. My work day flows smoothly. 
(Don't think my world is full of butterflies and rainbows - because usually my days are full of "unknowns" and tiring, but I am saying these things because I mean them.) 
Tip #3: Surround yourself with positive people. Fact: humans act like other humans they are around. Just like animals we adapt to our surroundings. Be around the people that you want to influence you.
  
Why do I try to be so positive??  For one, I want to be a role model for my children. One day, they will understand all the obstacles that Kerry and I have faced, and I hope that reflection will allow them to grow into positive and uplifting people. My oldest son recently received a kindness award at school. I have to believe that his kindness is a reflection of mine and how I treat other people. I pride myself in this and feel my actions making a difference in his demeanor. Two: Having goals. In my professional life I aspire to be a nurse midwife or a nursing instructor. At home, my husband and I want to build our dream house. Right now we are working on improving our current home which will build our home equity.  Three: Fitness. I have been weighing myself (most) every day. I want to be able to fit back into my size 3 jeans that I was wearing before I got pregnant with my third child. I have a long ways to go but every day I try to change my habits with eating. I try to walk or do some type of exercise. It is hard work, but I know I can get there. 
Do you have dreams? What are yours? Maybe it's something way out of your reach. I bet if you write down measurable steps/a plan to get there that you can achieve them. Be bold and start today!

Cooler days and savoring memories

Fall is here. The air is cool and crisp in the mornings. Skies are sometimes foggy and the sun occasionally decides to show up on a cloudy day. Today is a cool and cloudy afternoon at 43 degrees.

Saturday is my baby's one year birthday party! Two days ago he somehow became a one year, and I am still trying to wrap my head around that. The past month has flown by; he has changed in so many ways, and I wonder if he's smarter than my other two boys at this age. LOL But really, he makes me so proud to be his mommy. I recall his birth day like it was yesterday. Dropped the boys off at 0800 at school and drove to a small hospital in Plainville, KS where I was to be induced with a water birth delivery. The labor was a little more intense (drawn out) than my last birth, but that is what you get with inductions! I was term pregnancy and not progressing much so this did seem appropriate. The induction was initiated by using a foley bulb (look it up if you do not know how it works.. it is interesting!), and it worked perfectly. By mid morning, the foley bulb fell out. I had dilated more and contractions started. I tried many different things to help move the labor along. Use of an exercise ball, squatting bar, and even sitting on a toilet - just to name a few! I would have to say that sitting on the toilet was the best for getting through contractions with this babe. Around 4 pm I knew that my contractions were so intense that the baby would soon be here. I asked for something for pain through my IV but I knew I had to get checked first. Yep, I was dilated to about 10 cm and couldn't have anything and ready to push little guy out! Since I was wanting a water birth, they had the water all ready for me to go which was very relaxing once I got in the water. After several pushes, little Colton came out and got to hold right away. So much love for this little human. Then Kerry took him and snuggled while I got stitched up. Like my other two boys, I will never forget this memory that impressed upon my heart.

FF>> (fast forward)!!

It has been several years since my last post! A lot has happened and changed since after my son had cancer and in recovery in 2013. My kids grew. I had another baby. My job changed. My husband's health changed. So much to talk about but I will start to focus each blog on a different topic or event/activity.

Today I just want to focus on all the things that have evolved this past year. Relationships grew. Between my husband and I, my kids and I. Relationships with past co-workers have almost ended but hanging on to the few top ones that I cherish. Relationships are evolving with new co-workers. My baby Colton who was born on 10/2/17, is growing so fast and getting ready to celebrate his first birthday in the next couple weeks. I have continued to grow in my faith this year also. I will be blogging on this a lot I feel as God is my #1 and hoping that I can grow into a better and stronger person because of His guidance and helping me listen to what He is calling me to do in this lifetime.

I will post several pics later on :)

Updates

It occurred to me the other day that I have not blogged for months! I wanted to make a weekly thing but apparently life got in the way (again.. haha). When I received the mail after lunch today, I had a nice letter from a mommy friend that's in my Catholic Motherhood group. After reading the updates of her children and what's going on in her life, I felt like writing myself.
Let's start off with my 4 1/2 year old, Michael

• He's been my biggest challenge when I am at home with him during the weekdays. (He attends a home based daycare a few days a week.) He seems to be going through his emotions lately and lets me know when his feelings are hurt, when he's mad, frustrated, and happy. I know this is all normal as he's becoming familiar with his own little body. I just hope the frustration and anger subsides as those have been the strongest emotions for him lately! He also needs to work on his listening skills as he really has trouble staying focused when Mom is in his room telling him to do something and he is too busy to do what has been asked. One last thing that is challenging is his eating habits! It is true what they say when kids are more influenced by what the father eats. He loves his dairy and meat but fruit and veggies are something that we have been working with for a few years! (I should mention that he is growing like a weed so I'm not worried in that aspect ;)
• Michael is an excellent helper (when he does) and does well with any type of school work I give him or he is presented with at daycare. He knows his numbers, letters, is great at puzzles and other things when critical thinking is involved. I can't wait until he goes to kindergarten next year at Holy Family, although, he has asked to be home schooled next year!

Kayden (turned 3 at the end of August)

• What a big boy he is! Really he is! Who could have thought that a child who just finished chemo/cancer treatments around 6 months ago could bounce back the way he did! He just had his 2nd 3 month check in Kansas City last week, and his oncologist and staff could not get over how WONDERFUL he looked. 
• In all aspects - physically, developmentally, mentally, socially - he is doing phenomenal. The only thing he struggles with is potty training. He has regressed more and more, but eventually I know he will get it! What I love about him is how social he has become. I used to think he was going to be my shy little boy, but he has really grown into a little man. He talks a lot and has a perfect memory. Yesterday, I asked Michael what they had for lunch at daycare. Michael said pizza and Kayden interrupted with, "No Michael we didn't have that. We had chicken and french fries!" He has shown a little attitude also (I know he gets from big brother) and gets in trouble from time to time which he hates since he is used to getting everything his way like when we were in the hospital. He gets pretty LOUD too when the boys play together. I really do cherish every day I get to be home with them while watching them play. 

Kerry is still working at the golf course and as frustrated as it can get there, I know he really enjoys the work he does. He doesn't really get stressed as much as he used to, and I think as a result he hasn't been having migraines. A couple weekends ago he went riffle hunting and got a big and old buck! We haven't gotten the meat back from the meat processing place and will soon have some deer jerky and sausage to enjoy! Kerry also got a new F150 truck and topper that he has been wanting for years! The muffler fell off of his old truck and was starting to wear down so he was more than ready to get a new one. 

I, myself, have much to update on! Towards the end of summer, I accepted a PRN (as needed work) position at the orthopedic clinic I was working at prior to Kayden's diagnosis with cancer. Work has kept my nursing skills alive, and currently with limited hours, I am looking for a more steady RN position. I am trying to listen to God's calling for me in the nursing field and hopefully can find the right job after the holidays. I find myself leaning towards working at the hospital where I delivered Kayden in Plainville, but I know with more praying and patience, the right place will be determined for me. Obstetrics, oncology, and home health seem to be of most interest to me currently. Aside from nursing, my main focus has been healthy eating and lifestyle changes. I am constantly trying new recipes and using natural ingredients. Eating at McDonalds has phased out as that was our to go place when we were on the road a lot. I have lost quite a bit of weight with just making more healthy meals at home. My bigger challenge right now is exercising. I struggle with motivation and the time factor. I think I just need to make it more enjoyable and am trying to find things the whole family can do to stay active. It is difficult, as some of you probably know, to be active in the winter months. I guess we will have to take advantage of the warmer days and use them for walking/park days!

The entire family got to enjoy DISNEY WORLD early November!! The Make a Wish foundation along with the FHSU wishmakers were able to make this trip happen. We will be forever grateful for that. It was definitely an experience we will all remember. 

As you can tell we had a good time. The boys especially enjoyed meeting the characters even though it doesn't look that way in some of the pics!

To all of you I wish you a Merry Christmas! I know it will be an amazing Christmas with a lot to be thankful for and share with my family, and I hope you find it to be the same for you and yours. God blessings!

Summertime Fun

Last weekend we went to my husband's native town to visit with family and have a relaxing time together. It ended up being a short trip, but the boys had a blast with their grandparents, uncle and hopefully soon aunt ;) They played hard, took walks, sprinkler fun, and did other outdoor things!

Today we went to the aquatic park for the first time here. Michael has gone swimming with the grandparents earlier this summer, but Kayden and I did not. We met up with our neighbor friend who has a boy the same age Kayden is. They all had a fun time playing! Kayden was scared at first of the water and the little green frog slide but eventually went down with Mommy over and over again! Michael wanted to go down the bigger slide and on the lazy river so we did that too. It was a fun afternoon and went home after the boys started getting cranky. They are both still napping so they must have used up a lot of energy!

We have a playdate scheduled with our neighbor friends again tomorrow morning and are looking forward to that! I'm glad it's been a normal summer so far. Kayden is slowly making more and more progress with doing normal things and is exciting to see him having fun!

Enjoyed playing at the park!

Michael was just recovering from the stomach flu last night and woke up feeling well this morning. This morning we went to a different park they normally don't go to, and the boys enjoyed the slides, swings, climbing rocks, and even played hide and seek. I sometimes forget that the boys need their outdoor time to run around, play, and enjoy the sunshine! I often get caught up in chores, projects at home or other things on my "to do" list. Here are a few pics of the enjoyment we had today while we played hide and seek!

Found you, Kayden!

 Can you see Michael hiding?

Kayden found Michael!

Wedding planning!

Today I woke up early. Actually, it was very early for me as Kayden is not been sleeping the best during the night. At 5:30 to be exact. Well, I started off by making a DIY exfoliating body scrub using coconut oil. It was really easy actually. I used 1 cup of coconut oil, 1 cup of sugar (recipe calls for organic), 1/2 cup of sea salt and 1 T of lavender oil. I omitted the lavender oil as I did not have any on hand. All I can say is, WOW! I rubbed it on all over my body in the shower and came out silky smooth! I have really been into using natural ingredients lately probably since Kayden had cancer but the results always seem to come out so much better than something you would purchase in the store! And did I mention cheaper too?
Speaking of DIY, I found a DIY laundry detergent recipe on Pinterest and made a BIG batch of detergent!

If you like visuals, here's one!

This is a 5 gallon bucket and 3/4 full! I still haven't added the last ingredient!

So I titled this blog 'Wedding planning!' yet I haven't even discussed weddings! Maybe it needs a new name? No, I am excited this day is about planning for my little sister's wedding! We are going to try on dresses today, and I told Rachel yesterday that the focus will be on her today. It is important that she finds her dress first. She recently got engaged to her boyfriend of 3 years about a month ago and the wedding is sooner than they were planning for next spring. To me that's quick because I was engaged for a couple years before my husband and I were married. We were also only dating for about 7 months before Kerry proposed. Back to Rachel and her fiance Blake. The two young lovebirds have a lot to plan and a lot going on for them right now. Rachel is in the radiology program at the university here and going into sonography. She is taking summer classes right now so she is always busy with something. My almost brother-in-law is getting ready to start college next fall so he is trying to decide on a major and also busy working. Oh, I didn't mention that he is in a band too! He has some amazing skills! He is the lead singer and plays the guitar. He has always been a family member to us since he and Rachel started dating. They have the date, church, and reception booked so are making some progress! My little sister who is 16 is the maid of honor with my older sister and I being bridesmaids. Since my older sister and I are the married ones, I think we will be the ones giving advice from our experience! 

Here is a picture of my Rachel, Blake and I at Blake's high school graduation party.

Yes, we are all matching! Rachel is on the right and she and Blake did plan to match :)

One of my dear friends is also getting married next year, and I am her matron of honor! She has her dress and the bridesmaids dresses figured out, but there is a lot of planning there too! Looks like I will be a busy bee next year with these two weddings and wonderful people in my life that I am honored to share their days with! Here's to happy wedding planning!